As a parent, we want to always be there for our children, through the ups and downs, and everything in between. Sometimes the support they need is obvious; they fall and bump their head and we get them an ice pack… and other times, it isn’t so obvious.
What about when your child’s best friend moves away? Do you know what you would do? One California mom experienced this first hand when her daughter’s best friend moved to Texas in the middle of the school year. She was kind enough to share her story.
When Karrie first learned that her daughter Kailee’s friend was moving, not only were the girls sad, the families were sad and turned their focus to letting the girls spend as much time together as they could. Along with slumber parties and play dates, a lot of conversations about feelings took place, with Karrie letting Kailee know that her feelings were ok, no matter what she was feeling--sadness, anger, or fear. These feelings were normal. “I made sure that she knew that just because Hannah was moving, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t still be friends with her or see her again.”
Fortunately for Kailee, her mom could call upon her own experience to help navigate through this difficult time. Karrie attended college more than 2,000 miles away from home and it was there that she made some lifelong friends, many of whom live all over the country. “I told Kailee about some of my most special friends that live very far away and how this sometimes makes me very sad that I can’t see them as often as I would like to see them. Even though they are far away, that doesn’t change how special they are to me. I still find ways to see them as often as I can and when we do get together, we always have the best time. We just pick up where we left off.”
Karrie also introduced Kailee to letter writing. “I told her that she can write Hannah a letter anytime and send her little fun things. It’s always fun receiving mail!” Karrie also surprised Kailee with a trip to Texas to visit Hannah and her family and Hannah has been back to California several times to visit since she moved.
While visiting in person is great, it may not always be an option. That’s where today’s technology can have a positive impact, allowing for a virtual visit anytime with FaceTime. Instead of just hearing each other on the Smartphone, FaceTime allows the girls to see each other while they talk.
Letters, visits, and phone calls can help “shorten” the physical distance but things do change as time goes by, bringing about new situations and new friends. “I told Kailee, you are not replacing Hannah, just adding to your awesome group of friends.”
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Great advice from a mom who does pretty well at talking the talk and walking the (long-distance) walk. Just ask me (the author), I’m one of those lifelong friends who lives 2,000 miles away. 25 years and our friendship is still going strong. And what do I say to that old adage that distance makes the heart grow fonder? You bet it does.
Here are a few tips for supporting your child when a friend moves away (or any transitional experience like changing schools or moving to a new neighborhood):
1. Don’t distract or try to minimize their feelings. Anger, sadness, or fear-- let them feel whatever they’re feeling. Label the feeling if it helps and hold space for it. Allowing and supporting these feelings will ultimately teach them that they can handle their own discomfort (a major life skill!!!).
2. Have a memory party (rather than a goodbye party) at their favorite play spot or at your house. Be sure to take lots of pictures!
3. Share stories of times when you or someone you know has experienced a friend moving away and how you coped.
4. Depending on age and emotional maturity, highlight the positive lessons that your child can learn from this experience. Resilience, gaining confidence, and learning that change is a part of life are among a few.
5. Who doesn’t love to get letters in the mail? Encourage letter writing.
6. Plan a trip to visit the friend or meet up for a group vacation.
7. Allow for phone calls and FaceTime for some connection time.
8. Encourage your child to get involved in an activity where they can experience new things and meet new friends.
9. And time…good ol’ time can help soften the unpleasant feelings and open space for positive new experiences.
Lindsay McDonald lives in Louisville with her husband and two young children. Her passions include writing, conscious parenting, and a good cup of coffee. She enjoys blogging about her parenting journey in the hopes of helping others on their journey. You can reach her at lindsaymcdonald2013@gmail.com.
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